there is a common belief that with age and eXperience one's filmmaking keeps improving... as in the more one has lived and has more credibility for one's belief, or the more one has read, or just the fact that one has spent more time with the camera, the filmmaking improves... people like paradjanov prove the point... even, for eXample, bresson's idea of filmmaking grew more & more concrete and he became more a master of his own created language through the years & that can be seen if one goes through the films he has made through the years.... this actually is evident in most filmmakers i believe...

but it seems like Nagesh Kukunoor and Sanjay Leela Bhansali have decided to prove a point. it's hard to believe that the guy who has made films like hyderabad blues, rockford & teen deewarein can make a film like Bombay to Bangkok... or for that matter that a guy who made khamoshi can make something like Saawariyan..

to me it seems money to be the culprit... Hyderabad Blues was made in around 20 lakh rupees, try to beat that... the sequel of the film made about 6 years down the lane is no match to the original one... & then he went on to make iqbal, dor & now bombay to bangkok... what happened???? though i was still ok with iqbal (at least it was the one off sports film we had that time) & i found dor also ok... but hey how about the mallu film which has a very very similar story???? (btw the mallu film ends much better & is generally speaking a much much better film)

when i was first seeing 3 deewarein, i was really apprehensive... it was "inspired" by shawshank redemption after all.... but that is one film i NOW keep as an eXample of what an inspiration should be... it was just that - an inspiration... but what about dor??? what was that????

even that is ok... but then how can one eXplain Bombay to Bangkok????? i mean, its ridiculous..... & they say he is coming up with another one this year...

what happened to Sanjay Leela Bhansali for that matter????? how can a person capable of making khamoshi make a film like Saawariyan (with even the god damned pot holes being calculated and put there) ?????

is it that, if you are a "great director" you gotta spend a particular amount of money??? what is this money thing doing to the art form????

few years back, when the film making venture in india got "industry" setup a lot of whoola was created for the advantages it has... i really doNT know about the advantages but know this much that cinema aint the typical "industry"... it is an art form, & should be treated in the same sense... one needs to earn money & be rich & all but it is more than that...

it is really sad seeing "good" filmmakers do what they are doing NOW
& it's heart breaking...
& there is this feeling of having been cheated...

aap hindu hain (are you a hindu)????

there was a friend's shoot today in a nearby place... it was a home of a lower middle class family... the home was a two story home with a couple of rooms in the ground floor and another couple in the first floor... we were shooting in the first floor... & thereby occupying the kitchen/dining space of the family... & intruding the family space... interestingly, someHOW these families are so damn co-operative... they help you with everything possible, & making films in NID without all these helpful gujarati people around us would have been a real pain...

also the general interest that film making arouse also helps us a LOT & hinders us a LOT too (talk about crowd control when shooting outdoors & it becomes mind boggling).. khair, getting to the point, there was this girl, studying in class 3 (i think around 7-8 years old) in this place we were shooting... she was a really sweet kid & was intrigued by what we were trying to do... so was trying to hang around where we guys were... but was very inhibited.. i thought that this initial inhibition is just the shyness that kids have... we tried talking to her and all... the first thing she asked us was "aap sab hindu hai???" (are you all hindu?)

that shocked us all, i think... after confirming that we were hindus, she went on to become more comfortable with us..talking to us openly... she went on to describe as to how "mohammadens" would take away kids in the night, how they burned down the houses (during the riots), and how they burnt down delite bakery (a muslim shop nearby... when asked why would they burn down a muslim shop only, she couldNT respond but was absolutely sure of the fact that she wanted the cake from there)... how if you go to pakistan (any place with a significant muslim population) one would get harassed and all... my own reaction to the complete day's conversation with her changed from shock to inquisitiveness to disbelief to helplessness...

its amaZing as to how we are nurturing these kids in here... as a child i remember, i did NT get the concept of hindu-muslim till very very late... & NObody was worried... here was a child of 8 yrs old who was fed up on the stuff that naZi's tried to get down the world's throat... where are we heading??? secularism toh was never there... it's like a eutopia which never eXisted but we were NOT fascists... but are we lesser NOW... by supporting, by NOT reacting are NT we getting worse than ever... in a hindu family it might be considered ok to ridicule a little about muslims, or even have one's own prejudices towards them... but caNT we see the effect it's having on the children... an 8 yr old child would talk to us only if we were hindus... of family which was just ok financially... i had heard kids trying to understand the concept of money and all before and having the compleX of being either in poor houses or rich houses but being so religion conscious??????!!!!!!?????

how can such nice & helpful people be bringing up a child with such crap in their head???? how can such an innocent kid have so much poison in them??? & what kinds of adults do we eXpect out of them???

i wonder often, how do they do it... i mean it aint easy, making these films, & making stuff like NO SMOKING.... when people are goin to misunderstand YOU... i thought it was quite arrogant of Anurag Kashyap to make that film... but that kind of arrogance is necessary... the result is of the best hindi film release since quite some time... films like NO SMOKING & johnny gaddar have someHOW re assured me of the bombay film industry... brilliant films... amaZingly intelligent... especially NO SMOKING... all the symbolism... all the references, some we get, some we doNT ( i hope i get it all in the DVD release)..

but writing on the film was NOT the point of this entry...
i started with the arrogance.. which made me believe the conviction the filmmaker should have had while making it... i used to wonder how does he feel after this & about this, where the FUCK do you get conviction like this...

check this out: its beautiful: a blog entry by anurag kashyap on PFC http://passionforcinema.com/i-smoked-classic-milds/

hats off to anurag kashyap!!!!!!!

this is how we got bread butter at a dhaba nearby
bewildered us as to how he got the bread into this format!!!
















kudos to the genius,
& to us - huh!!!

the airline boom

the airline boom

well i am on a train right NOW!!! which is quite a thing because with lowering airfares air travel seems to be the popular choice... my friend in bangalore( an iiM student ) toh did NT even know eXactly how far the train station was from his place... that goes on to say how things have changed since the past few years ( with the airline boom )... well, why am i on the train ??? coZ i doNT think i have an option... as in the place i am going to (bellary) has a poor air connectivity & train seems to be the better option... i took a flight down from ahmedabad to bangalore earlier in the day... well... air travel is simpler, faster... NO need to be checking ticket status, waiting list, blah blah blah & one gets decent enough deals on short notice on air travel these days... this is what air travel generally is : you check in your stuff, security check, boarding, sitting on the plane, reading/tv/sleep & the food & the coffee & you are there... the only thing that s left is to claim your baggage & DONE with...

train travel on the other hand goes on & on... ( i remember me still shaking at the train s rhythm till two days after the journey got over)... but there is one thing that over weighs all other in train journey, at least for me... the disconnect from the present... it is like you are moving ahead (in time & actually towards one s destination) but actually you are still there (both spatially & temporally)... NOW that is a major problem these days it seems... one always needs to be in touch with what s happening, what s going on, NO one can seem to afford to miss a moment... huh! but is NT this moment is all we actually need... the moment of nothing ness in which you can actually contemplate as to what you are doing & you are ready to see where you are & ...... the concept of nothing ness (the first blog entry @ the bottom of this page) especially in the fast drawn life NOWaDAYS, does NT one need to STOP! & slow down to look back... does NT it all seem to be whiZZing past so fast... & what better than the train s speed... the slow forlorn speed... i dunno about everyone but train journey s are the one time that i think most about what s happening... or maybe even in vacations... this slow inconsistent shaky movement where you are actually NOT moving actually sticks you to a space & time & yo are just stuck there... in its own world... have you ever stood by the train door (or sat there for that matter) & seen villages & all passing by... its magical...its like life whiZZing past... & you getting to see it whiZZing past but you being stuck there where you were... so that yo can take a third person s POV... also just the beautiful imagery of stuff passing by... like even on a drive or a bus journey... i believe one gets to nothingness kinda thing in a bus journey also... more so, coZ most of the time yo caNT read a book or anything...

i dunno what all has happened to me in my train journeys... how many train journeys i remember & cherish... from the time when i first, as a kid,so wanted to be & was on the upper birth alone, i was afraid that i might fall while asleep, so would sleep on the wall side or would sleep & would keep checking the length of my body with the gap between the two supporting chain/rod thingy's... to when my whole family was traveling & the train was more than 8 hours late & the whole family sat there at the station for more than 4 hours (the train delay kept on increasing)... to the time when i was going to give my entrance eXams with a very dear friend, this was the first trip i was doing alone (i:e; without parents or graduation) the train was packed like hell , but we had shit loads of fun... the whole damn train was full of students... singing, chatting, dancing, talking, preparing for eXam, flirting... & the world was ours it seemed... to the time when i was traveling with my first gf & we kissed... to the time when i met my gf's mum (that was a disaster ;) )... to the time when i was supposed to meet a very dear "friend" (we both liked each other but ...) & when we met @ 7 on bombay central we didNT know what to do... to when the family used to travel (when i was kid) & we would play UNO... & be having mungfali... to so many others....
well, but NOW we doNT have time for all these things... we gotta rush up to the destination... i gotta go, check if i am there or NOT... stay connected... THE AiRLiNE BOOM iS HERE..

animation - a film making technique

animation - a film making technique

Chitrakatha 07... the NID international animation film festival

kudos to the team of the Chitrakatha, for the organiZing such an event... at least something happened...

through the presentations today, though, one thing struck me... one thing that s goin on in my head since quite some time NOW.... someHOW, there is this urge to create an identity for animation & the technique itself which is different than "cinema"... dunno why but there seems to be this thing to diffrentiate oneself from "live action"... which is quite weird... after all animation is also just filmmaking... it is just another technique of doin it... but it is FILMMAKING & NOTHiN else... i dunno but the need to create "animation film appreciation" or "animation archivals" seperate from filmmaking is quite striking.. as in should NT the approach be of jus to be making films... & NOT to be making animation films, as in if the film needed the necessary technique be adapted, be it cel animation, model animation, piXellation, stop motion or live action... but should NT this choice be dependent on the content... after all it is jus that we all have something to say... & how we say it depends on what has to be said... for eXample charles eames made both live action & animation films & the choice simply depended on the content...

NOW the point is that should it be made into an issue???? as in is it even worth discussing... coZ every animation school person (here at NID or other wise) will accept that animation film is film making (at least theoretically speaking) but then why take this approach of trying to create this seperate identity????

what the problem with courses like "Animation film Design" then becomes is that it probably becomes too technique oriented... as in the fact that one is animating becomes more important than as to why a particular form of animation or why animation at all.... as in the form should be decided according to the content i feel... here, the form is already decided, then one goes about the content...

dunno, but maybe am completely wrong about it all... & maybe i have a bit too skewed opinion about it... but i think it is definitely a point to ponder...

well, after my last blog, i got this reply from one of my friends ....

"mst say it needs courage to be writing personal stuff on blogs n all"

hmmmm....
dunno y, but is it really that difficult????? or will one be able to wrtie stuff that are personal n all n keep it with oneself.... (the traditional diary concept) but then y write it in the first place?????? coZ of the need to eXpress, the need to get it out... the need to let some1 else peek into it (that some1 else could just be you at some later stage... it still is some1 else... )

some people DONT like the way i write.... its too un literature like... so well, here goes an effort into u becomin you... but the content is going to be fashioned in this sense only, because this is stream of consciousness for me... & eXpression n all.. or else i wont write at all... so well....

& btw all this pretence that this blog is public n all... it aint true... the way am writin is as if its somethin like a public channel or somethin... is it ??????? NO its NOT... i know that NO1 reads this blog... & even if i post somethin or whatever it doesNT really make any difference...... & even after that, i write for it in a way that it becomes a general thing kind of stuff... as in tryin to "archetype" n all coZ the emotions n all we all go through are actually the same...

so courage ????? i DONT think so ....

but this medium is weird... i must say that.... as in its public, yet its private... it has at least a few people like me who post stuff which are personal n all... but hey when one is writing bout emotions n all n how one feels for something, it will become personal... & also whatever i am gonna write its goin to be personal.... i guess.. that much self toh is goin to be there only...

so well... the new title : its a peek into me, is it ?????

well.......

well.......

how many times have u felt that u could go back n change something ?????
how many times does one feel that one could go back to that person n eXplain it to him/her... to spend those few moments more with that person.... how many times does one feel as if one could make the other person understand... to maybe change the things from the way they are... maybe NOT change the course of actions but to be able to smile back at that person s thought... how many time do we wish we NOT have regrets...

should we have regrets at all???? well, i DONT think so... one does the best possible thing acc to the best knowledge one has at that particular moment.... so it could be possibly the best decision one could have taken at that particular time... though while takin the decision one has many doubts & thinks of all the other things that can be done & till the last moment (& later) thinks that what one is doin is NOT right.... but then what is right ??????? what is wrong?????? well, all subjective.... NOTHiN i want to ponder into right NOW... the point is despite all this do we really take the decision which we think is most right... what is that stops us from doin so, if that is NOT the case????

& y in retrospect, one believes to be able to see things more clearly ????? jus coZ we can see the results ????? well, in blind chance (by kieslowski) the filmmaker has clearly and very truly (for me) shown that what ever one does, we canNOT be taking the best decision... in the film the protagonist by the matter of luck n fate ends up with three diff results... one is led to think as to which one is the better than the other... but in the end, NONE has a so called "happy ending"... but hey y the FUCK did i digress into it.... i can go on n on bout the film... but the point i think has already been made...

but even with this knowledge do we stop regretting???? do I wish to go back n change thing ?????? or maybe i jus sulk bout it.... things happen... could we have helped it ????? i think so... but what can one do NOW ?????

"the past is NO more" - Augustine (i think)

but is it ??????? the past affects the present.... or presents it self on to you in the present... thus changing the present & the yet to be ( the future)...

hmmmm

but then what does one do ????? let things be ????? where was i ???? what was i talkin bout???? what was goin on in my head ????? it is the past..... so it is NO more???????? or is it even more there, NOW that i try to retrospect......

i dunno where this thing is goin....
lets get it back on track...

some ppl told me one should NOT regret coZ one caNT do anything bout it... but i reject that thing completely coZ if one stops thinkin bout stuff one cant do anythin bout.... then at least my life would almost be redundant... one takes idealogical stands on stuff small n big, on stuff on which it makes NO diff... so should we stop taking those decisions????? i DONT think so....

but the first argument, i think still holds good in my head... that one takes the best possible decision at the time... "best" again is relative.... many people jus like to regret... "agar aisa hota to vaisa hota " kinds.... hypothetic... again somethin i reject....

but we can NOT deny that we regret.... maybe very little, maybe too much, maybe jus a FLASH in the mind.... but i think we all do... there is this thing that crosses the mind for a fraction of a second...

we see a person, or something & think "y?" y does it have to be this way nd NOT the other... some of us, go ON to also think that maybe if it was the other way round, it would or would NT have worked out... some know that this had to be... one way or the other... maybe preferably NOT this way....


regret - feel sad, repentant, disappointed over (something that has happened or or has been done)

hmmm, am back again.....

well i guess all of us have heard bout this moon landing conspiracy theory pretty well, as to how NASA has cheated us all(the whole DAMNED world) into believin that it has sent ppl on moon, when it actually has'nt.....

well, the truth i really dunno.... but does nt it sound rediculuos that NASA would fool the whole world in believin that it has sent astronauts on moon... well, somethings we jus take for granted - this is one of them... the fact that man has landed on moon & all stuff regardin that... then y all this conspiracy theory bout it being faked n all ??? well, all these conspiracy theories have taken a really close look & thought bout it n all.... they have studied it, so as to say.... they MUST be usin some brain.... (a LOT of that actually) which i dunno y was NOT put into thinkin bout somethin constructive ... i mean would it change the world or the way we live (eXcept the fact that it would be an embarrassement to NASA & US & they puttin in shit LOADS of money into sendin some1 there - which might actually be good in a sense that it might reduce the american war eXpenses ;) but this is height of potimism.....) what i mean to say as to how much does it actually affect our daily lives....

any which ways, we are entitled to know the truth - we should know that what we are considerin as FACTS are infact FACTS.... so lets eXplore the idea of the moon landing being hoaX.... there are many stuff which supports the theory- like the flag, the shadows, camera symbols n stuff like that... but there is one thing i truly believe in - can some one or some organiZation (however intelligent) really fool all the people in this world ?????!!!!!????? that idea in itself sounds so rediculously funny...... c'mon where the FUCK are we livin, can all the ppl in the world be made to convince into some lie, & such a big one for that ??? this idea in itself is craZy.... cmon, what the heck are we supposed to be ??? if we jus keep on questionin like this (i am very pro questionin in general) we should be askin questions on everyhin , gravity n all etc..... is it really feasible to dupe generations of ppl into somethi.... somethin s i believe should be left for our intuition or ur heart... the conspiracy theory seems to be a publicity stunt kinda thing... it seems more like, ppl look at us - we are the ones who are questionin the stuff we all take so matter of factedly... it is like of those wanna be cult groups - we are different from what... we are the ones who think different from the rest of the world.. we are the ones who are gonna change the world... they say that we like to believe so we believe, so whats wrong in that ???? especially when we hv quite some evidence in our hands... everythin does nt work with logic, sometimes u jus gotta give it to emotions, at the end of the day its all bout emotions... we are emotionl beings after all... i DONT say believe in everythin jus for the heck of emotions... but we hv got proof enough to support it... y the heck always say that the govt sucks???? y the FUCK blame everythin on em ??? y the FUCK make them the assholes always ??? i aint sayin they r good or anythin but then pls DONT start goin on talkin bout stuff that are truly baseless.... & even if u want to pls DO it in some stuff which really matters, stuff which really can change ppl lives for the better... NOT jus for the heck of being "different".. i DONT agree to or accept the television channels doin it majrly for the viewership count... controversy sells & so DO it ??? thats wrong & if u want to pls do it in some meaningful stuff, LOTs of oppurtuniy to....

& hey check out these links :
http://www.badastronomy.com/bad/tv/foxapollo.html
http://www.iangoddard.net/moon01.htm

i got this mail (infact i dunno how many times over.... & i hv never forwarded it ever )

I'm 11 years old.
My mommy worked on the 20th floor
in the World Trade Tower.
On Sept. 11 2001 my daddy drove my mom to work.
She was running late so she left her purse in the car.
My daddy seen it so he parked the car and went
to give her the purse.
That day after school my daddy didn't
come to pick me up.
Instead a police man came and took me to foster care .
Finally I found out why my daddy never came..
I really loved him....
They never found his body..
My mom is in the the Hospital since then..
She is losing lots of blood..
She needs to go through surgery..
But since my daddy is gone and no one is working..
We have no money ..
And her surgery cost lots of money..
So the Red Cross said that..
or every time this email is fwd we
Will get 10 cent for my mom's surgery.
So please have a heart and fwd this to everyone you know
I really miss my daddy
and now I don't
want to lose my mommy too.. *
R.I.P. Daddy..(James Thomas)

i really feel BAD when i get these mails, NOT jus for the content of the mail but for the fact that we have to FORWARD such stuff!!!
i feel a hell lot for all ppl who hv died esp due to some ass es work & esp WTC ... in fact i think it is one of those incidents which really really shook me to my roots...... trust me on it!!!!

but then this mail is a BAD joke on them .... & on intl red cross society in totality.... do we really believe that we forward this mail & the intl red cross society donates stuff for some1 ... they do all the relief work & all that anyways , they DONT need we forwarding mails to each other for that they aint commercial that they get any benefit of this "issue" being publicised in such a senti way y the FUCK will any1 do good for any1 jus coZ others are forwardin the mails, which in totality means they DONT wanna do it.... if u wanna do it, y the FUCK will u need others to forward stupid mails regarding that ?????????? really wanna be pro active ? pls go to some of the many fund raisin websites & donate for urself (if u want website addresses, ask me i will give it to u) is this the level of our pro activity that we will forward mails to every1 bout some1 losing their parent(s)?????!!!!???? this is a shame to humanity in itself.... i dunno how the heck can ppl take this ?????? if u CANT do anythin, it can be accepted but this is a shame that we will "forward" jus to make ourselves more comfortable to the fact that we did somethin.... how the heck can this even be "humane"... it is MERE selfishness & a self eXcuse leadin to a sense of satisfaction that " yes! we did somethin " "yes! we care" & how the FUCK can this be accepted that to mere forward a mail would u need the case to be told so dramatically & sentimental way... this is a shame on us!!!! that we are so bloody COLD blooded that we need this kind of a emotionally shatterin mail jus for forwardin the mail

it could jus have been :

this is a fund raisin mail.... it will raise fund for a WTC victim's wife who is in hospital since the tragic accident.... pls forward this mail.... red cross will donate $$$$ for each time this mail is forwarded... pls forward this to every1 u know...

well, feel free to give ur opinions.... & this post is a bit a abusive but it really pissed me out!!!

hey there to no1
coZ nobody s reading this thing, i believe.... well, with the amount of posts i do, i DONT think that very surprising.... but i dunno what to write bout?????!!!!!!!?????????
anyways , here i am in NID (supposedly the best design school in the country) doing a Post grad course in Film n Video Communications course ... its an aweSOME place to be - to learn, to unlearn, to create, to grow..... but do i deserve to be here ?????? well, NOT in my opinion, i believe that every1 has a limit or an eXtent to which one can grow - the potential, as we know it... & one is NOT only doing injustice to another student who might be more capable of being in such a place but also to oneself - its NOT a help, coZ every1 has to grow in a certain path - certain way coZ every1 has to rise from a diff level, coZ we all are different with intellect & aptitude for diff areas & it WONT help the person if he or she is put in a gr8 place jus for the heck of it (without any aptitude for it) & that s y reservations DONT work, as in, if a person is capable enough to be in a place - (s)he will be , they WONT need any help of any sort & if (s)he is NOT then that person is just wasting the resources - coZ that s NOT what (s)he should be doing.... a gr8 place is NOT a gr8 place by the virtue of gr8 ness but coZ of the output of ppl it has.... so even a so called "mediocre" institution is also gr8 if it actually is able to teach ppl in there... if there is a considerable growth in the learnin & understandin of the particular area after a student is over with the course.... but that leads to another point that the level of learnin of each student from an institution is very different & thats surprisingly weird coZ they are being taught the same stuff by the same faculties with the same resources... but that is also pretty obviously simple when u consider the fact that it is the student who has to learn & NOT the institution which has to feed as in the onus is & should be on the student.... so there is one group of students of a batch who would love the place & come out happy & satisifed by the amount of learnin etc while there will be another which cribs.... there might be places n times where the cribbin is justified but majorly most students crib without even taking even a partial advantage of the available resources which again shows the students interest leve & intllect level (compared ot the basic level of others in the institution the open ness to learnin & the belief of the student that the person CAN learn somethin of use from the place(if in the first go only u consider it a fact that the place sucks, then it will be like that) the ego level issues of the student........ basically speaking as to respect the place u in & tryin to learn as much as u can.....
coming back to the point of me feelin that i DONT deserve to be in this place.... does it relly help to be with so many other geniuses ???? well, i DON T think so, coZ though the kind of ppl u with really does affect ur own thinking but then the potential aspect comes into play....

well, i think its already too long so will write bout it the neXt time round........
so long.........

hi ppl
this post is comin after a long long time.......

i dunno y, but i jus felt tht i should be puttin something up in here.... (or i had left it defunct), i am pretty sure tht i DONT hv an audience for this page so i also dunno if any1 would actually read it but NO harm jus shittin stuff out of ur brain ....

well, the other day was a day i was feeling really really low!!!! i dunno y, there was NOTHiN special tht happened on the particular day or there was NOTHiN special i was thinkin of... but jus tht i was feelin really low.... but was i NOT thinkin of anythin.... well..... maybe i was jus feelin lonely, yeah i was... i guess tht s it - i was feelin lonely coZ i was missin some1 i had lost a few yrs ago on that particular reason ... but i DONT believe in dates DONT make any diff to me but why does this happen then ?????!!!!!???? am i being hypocrytic ????!!!!??? i DONT know but dates DONT matter me as such.... i think what happens is that u know of the particular date.... & then u co-relate urself with that dates incident sub consiously... its NOT that u DONT remember it any other day, jus that the particular day the co relation is pretty strong.... i still DONT believe in dates, my birthday could nt hv been in any other day or the person could hv died any other day, so why the heck does the date become so important. it DOES NT ,,, its jus in the brains tht u start think as the co relation within the days....

imagine, if we were to follow the lunar calender instead of the solar one, the days & dates would hv been completely differrent as compared to the present situation.... but would tht particular date hurt me same as NOW!!!! it would hv, coZ its NOT the day or date tht matters it is jus our sub consious effort to make us co relate stuff to whtever is familiar. So , we hv days were we celebrate stuff tht s happened yrs ago or grouse for tht matter.......

so long!!!!!!!!

well.........
i was jus wonderin, as to y does it feel BAD to be left out ? i mean u r left out of something for some valid reason for the better result / efficient working of a thing & still one feels bad........ y? is it because our ego is crushed or maybe jus that we consider ourselves to be the best for the job ? maybe it is jus one of the many problems mankind has - considering oneself to be the best for the paritcular job. maybe we make up our mind to believe that we are the most suited for a job. maybe NOT , coZ sometimes u know as to that the other person is in fact more capable of doing that "thing". or maybe we make it a point of jouissance or instant gratification. & thats why maybe it hurts when some1 tells u that u can NOT have that. & if this is true then, maybe it is also the reason it hurts when you make an elaborate plan( of having fun with friends, of workin & achieving something, of movies, dinner etc ) & it really depresses one, when the plan has to be crapped out coZ of some reason. but then, when u think of it, when u r left out it hurts coZ ur PLAN getrs crapped, as in one thinks some stuff & plans out somethin when one eXpects to be part of somethin. so does it mean we should STOP plannin ? or jus give it less importance in life ? or maybe jus let things be ? how does it make any difference when one feels low ? what is feeling low anyways ? i mean how do u eXplain the feelin of sinkin in ur heart, when one does nt gets what one wants....... when u dont feel like doin anythin & yet u r restless like hell ..........
....................................................(maybe will talk bout it neXt time round)

i dunno !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hey ppl
this is my first blog, so i dunno what to write, so well i decided to write bout nothin...... so well this is bout the nothing.....

so what is one supposed to write when u talkin bout nothin as such......... jus the nothing ness in life - btw thats my life for NOW!!!!!!!!! havin quit my job n before goin back to studies this is a phase of nothing ness , i believe....... well nothing, what else is nothin ....... that moment of the day , when u finished off with ur work or srtudies or whatever & u dont know what else to do - no parties to go to , no book to read, no friend u particularly wanna talk to..... jus U with urself....... the moment of retrospect..... when u look back at ur day & breath a sigh of relief ( u r doin wht u want to, u achieved somethin - creative, as human, technologically speakin, monetarily ......) or maybe jus regret the whole process life per se or maybe jus feel nothin (maybe u hv resigned to fate, livin life for some1 else doin everythin for somethin which is NOT that important to YOU) .... there are days one feels, all this is useless - the life itself maybe - maybe NOT!!!!!!!!! do u feel so ? do u feel those moments in ur days ? or maybe its jus my imagination ........ but if u do, does nt nothing ness become the most important feelin of em all....... the most important phase of ur life........ when u actually grab hold of what u doin......... or maybe all this is crap ......... well then all this is nothing!!!!