i have NOT been blogging... huh!!!!! but the idea was to blog things sequentially... had thought of quite a few things which i wanted to write about... lets see how many i get down to actually write... i doNT think that will be many... but anyway, here is something what i had written when i went to potsdam, germany recently to attend the festival... this was written on day2 of the trip... i was quite pissed about it all on day1... maybe it reflects in the writing... or maybe it doesNT... i doNT know... but one thing's for sure that i was quite pissed... about the feeling of being aware of who you are... of the colour of your skin... about the feeling of being looked down upon at... and everything... it was NOT that anything eXplicit had happened which was making me feel so but there was something about it all... and i think it was mostly in my head only... but it was!!! i had already decided about the neXt 7 days that were to be (and this all is after i had met at least a couple of overly helpful and nice ppl!!! it was the rest of the thing)... thankfully and nicely i was proven wrong over the week and met some really nice ppl and had a fun week... this was mostly because of the festival and all... and yeah, film fests are something... but anyway more about the festivals and all later... for that day i was quite pissed... 

but i wanted to be positive about the whole thing and all as my friends had suggested that i leave my cynic self a bit aloof and try and have fun there... so this is positive, trying to be looking forward to it and all... ultimately by the end of the trip I have had quite a lot of fun... it was like a week long party.... and the thing about human emotions being universal remains so true and all... at the end of the day, mummies still would give you stuff when parting... an accidental touch of hands with the person (of the opposite seX) sitting neXt to you which lasts just a second longer still remains awkward everywhere... you get drunk everywhere... "friends" who might NOT have even seen your film would end up saying "THATs what you think" (when you tell them how you fucked up the acting in your films)... some girls seem hot to everyone (and no one dare comes close, hehhehehhe).... you wonder why you doNT have a copy of your film or why you were NOT better prepared for it... and you get drunk here there everywhere... and you party here there everywhere... and well some ppl would just get on your nerves from the word GO...  and somehow some guys STOP talking to you when you start talking to the girl... you just party in the festival and in retrospect wonder if you could make it all more fruitful... so yeah, basically everything almost remains the same... anyway, it also affirmed to me my belief since some time NOW... that festivals are basically solidarity events... so that you doNT feel left out and alone and awkward and outcasted... and that you have a good time feeling "normal" with all the other outcasts from everywhere and feel good about yourself... anyway, here is what i had written there on day2... i had written it on these pages as i was afraid i would fall short of pages... i had thought i would remove it, but i think its interesting as it is....